A Personal Post

25 Jun

I want to take a little break from food to talk about a major mental road-block that many, myself included, occasionally suffer from: anxiety.

For me, what started as an amazing weekend, ended up being a rough couple days. I have a lot on my plate right now (and I’m not talking food. Boo.) and the stress of it all came to a head suddenly and without warning at about 1AM Saturday morning. I mean full-blown panic attacks. One after another. Bam bam bam. 4AM rolled around and, still laying there, shaking like an overly-dramatic leaf, I began to have more anxiety about how on Earth I was going to get through the day on no sleep and being completely physically and emotionally drained. Coffee and a nice veggie sandwich helped, even though I did not get down more than a few bites/sips. Long story short: it was not a good day. And if you’ve ever experienced a panic attack (some, if not most of you probably have at one time or another, statistically), you know how embarrassing it can be. I’m lucky to have understanding friends who are used to me. And very glad they do not have to live with me, I assume.

Last night I slept decently for the first time in days and today I feel a little weak and tired, but the anxiety has subsided for now. However, in the past a panic-attack has triggered a response in me that lasted for months. Panic attacks about the possibility of another panic attack. I do not want to go down that road again. It’s a dark and sad and scary place that no person should ever have to experience, especially not more than once. Even writing this helps. Admitting weakness is a form of building strength. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway.

I have a plan this time.

My Plan

Physical strength has a way of carrying over into all other aspects of life. I know this. I’ve lived this. I have been slacking because anxiety wants me to sit and wallow and carry on like a ridiculous basket-case. So, I’m busting out the big guns:

1) Ignore the self-doubt, push through the waves of anxiety, risk more embarrassment. It is overwhelmingly hard, but not has hard as it could be if left to fester. Better jump in. All roads at this point are uncomfortable and/or incredibly stressful. Might as well feel my feelings while doing something good for myself.

Should be called “Saving You from Yourself Through Strength.” That’s my opinion, anyway.

2) Make a list. Of things. Notes. Write in a private journal. Study it. Clearly my life needs a major overhaul. I wish Extreme Life Makeover was a real thing. I need professionals.

3) Eat clean. Drink enough water. This blog will help because I have to make clean, healthy food in order to post. Can you imagine Today I cried in fetal position under my bed while sucking down Pepsi and Fritos? No, that will not happen. Not publicly, anyway. I am not at all dramatic or anything. (I just totally sensed your eyes rolling. Justified.)

4) Stay busy by making good, productive choices. Even when that is the last thing on the planet I want to do. Being an adult is hard.

Okay, I’m done whining now.

That’s all I’ve got so far. More of a plan than I had the last time around, years ago. Go me.

No time like the present. I’m outta here.

How are YOU gaining strength today?

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